There is an account in the Guardian this weekend written by Rebecca Seal, of her fertility journey. She beautifully, and heartbreakingly, describes the rollercoaster ride of trying to get pregnant. Although it is some years since I was trying to conceive, her description bought back memories to me of the secretness and lonliness of that path. She points out that infertility is a deeply private issue, yet fertility is not. Women of childbearing age are repeatedly asked why they are not producing, and given unasked for tips for how to maximise their fertility.
When we see see couples or women alone who are trying to get pregnant, we ask them to share their fertility journey with us. Each of us has a different story and walks a seperate path, although many of us share the same route and recognise landmarks along the way. We don’t want the couples and women we see to feel isolated and alone. We encourage you to share your feelings in the safety of our treatment rooms. Struggling to conceive is hard enough. We don’t need the judgement and isolation that can go with it.
You will know someone who has or is struggling to get pregnant, even if you don’t know it. If they open up to you the best thing you can offer is to listen. Ask if there is anything that you can do to help. Offer to act as a ‘buffer’ in social or family groups. Let them know that you are there to listen if they want to talk but that you also will not pry or ask them every time you see them if there is ‘news’ or how they are with a knowing look in your eye. None of us want to be defined by our fertility or lack of it. Let’s reach out to each other and share our stories.